June 3, 2011
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On Getting Older…
May was a hellacious month. June is definitely starting out a little better. I tried to write a couple Xanga entries in between my last one and this one but it felt like all I really had to say was complaining about something. I miss writing, I really do so I’m back for now…
The Architect’s grandfather passed away last week after a long hospital stay of over 2 months. We knew it was inevitable but it’s never easy. The Architect’s grandmother now needs to move out of her house because she really can’t be there alone. I think losing your independence when you get older has to be one of the most traumatizing things to go through. It’s not like when you’re a little kid and you haven’t yet tasted the freedom and independence of adulthood. At that point in your life, you’ve tasted it and slowly it’s taken away.
I’ve had getting older on my mind for awhile. I don’t fear turning 26 like I will this year and I don’t fear hitting the 30 and 40 and 50 and 60 milestones. 70, 80, and 90 are a little more scary. I volunteered in a nursing home throughout high school and saw many people who either didn’t have family alive to visit them anymore or their families had simply dumped them in the nursing home and went on with their lives. I just hate the thought of nursing homes… Luckily I have a long time before worrying about that but I just can’t help myself from thinking what might happen.
Comments (21)
When my dad was in the hospital, I thought I had accepted his inevitable death. He was hospitalized for a year and his condition steadily, if slowly, declined. It was still devastating when he passed. I don’t think you can really prepare for it, no matter how resolved to it you think you are. I’m sorry for your loss. And his grandmother’s profound losses.
Now you know what you have to do before growing old, right? Become disgustingly rich and have at least one child who thoroughly adores you.
My best friend and I have already agreed, we will go into a home together and be the crazy old ladies that pull all the pranks. When I lose my ability to be entertaining, I would rather just die.
I don’t really fear getting old… but I fear not knowing who I am or who anyone else is… that’s my biggest fear.
I’ll turn 40 next year, but my own age doesn’t bother me as much as knowing that as I move into a new decade, my parents and in-laws will be nearly into their 70s.
Sorry about your loss. You still got a long ways to go before thinking about the retirement age. I can’t even think of it right now because so much can changed by then. Who knows, maybe we’ll find a way to stay youthful long into our late 90s!
I’m sorry to hear about the Architect’s Grandfather.
Hooray! I miss your presence here on Xanga.
Sigh, I’m only 23 years old and was only independent for two years, but the fact that I moved back with my parents because they need me is something that I dislike. I mean, of course, I love taking care of people. But because I’m back here and no longer as independent as when I was living alone, it’s different.
I’m actually scared of turning 30. For some reason.
Sorry about your families loss. Is someone going to let the grandmother move in and help with her in your family or will she be going in the nursing home too?
It’s likely that by the time we’re in our 70s and 80s, the system in vogue for care of the elderly will be completely different from what it is now. Hopefully it’ll be for the better…and I’m curious too, will the grandmother be able to live with a relative?
We always have taken care of our elderly and you have been able to take good care of them and to be present until their end . But times change . Nowadays children are far away and the parents isolated . This is the new society which leads to less of humaneness and to the poverty of the soul . But do remain optimistic and confident in the human nature .
Love
Michel
Sorry about your loss. Old age is inevitable and can be quite scary if compounded with illness. I have been working at a chronic ward for the past month and it’s quite depressing.
Therefore, enjoy every day as if it is the last day.
Please let Philip know I am sorry at the loss of his grandfather. Hope both of you are doing fine.
I am so sorry about the loss of your husband’s grandfather..sending you love from Minnesota
My condolences for your loss. There is never a good time or good way to say goodbye to a loved one.
The society in which we live today, where the family scatters rather than all living in a multigenerational home, exacts a cost when we age and can no longer fully support ourselves, but don’t have the built in family network to take up the slack.
My thoughts are with you in these hard times… Never much cared for nursing homes myself, but I never let that stop me from visiting my great grandmother several times before she passed away.
@Prolixity_Split - I think that might be the plan
@BubblysLife - Yes, I think something like alzheimer’s would probably be my greater fear!
@turningreen - In a way, I do think that it’s more difficult being younger and watching your family get older.
@Roadlesstaken - If I’m able to take care of myself in old age, I will be happy.
@Redshirte - Thank you!
@Rainboxx - 30 just doesn’t bother me. It seems like it could be an exciting decade!
@NightlyDreams - @TutelageOfTheMundane - The hard thing is that the Architect’s grandmother is insisting that she not live with any of her kids or grandkids. I think the Architect’s parents would let her live with them if she wanted but she absolutely does not want to do that. I think she fears being a burden.
@fauquet - In this case, the grandparents moved far away from any of the kids. Up until 15 years ago, they lived in the same town as their youngest son.
@icapillas - That would be such a hard job. Good for you for doing it though!
@ZSA_MD - Thank you so much for your kind thoughts! I’ve really missed you!
@portiajules - Thank you, love!
@SoullFire - Oddly enough, in this case, it was the Architect’s grandparents that moved far away from everyone. Up until 15 years ago, they lived in the same town as their youngest son.
@sir_spamalot - Thank you for your kind thoughts!
@TheCheshireGrins - that’s her ego talking everyone becomes old and has to lean on others… it’s inevitable for anyone that gets older. you either lean or die lonely.
@TheCheshireGrins - And I’ve missed you too Meg, a lot. Be well. Love to Phil.
I think I have come to the conclusion that there are no good ways to go but are plenty of really bad ones. What you describe above is very unpleasant to live through as a patient or the caregiver. I have cared for both of my parents through to the end. It is not what any of us thought would be our path. Think about those things sometimes and plan to save money for those years. Options are a good thing. And live a happy and prosperous life with those that are in your heart. –BTB
I haven’t seen you in my Xanga subs for a while, so I wanted to be sure you’re still blogging! You obviously are. My sub emails have been totally unreliable until the last couple of days, so now I know to just make a point of coming by.
Aging is a bit intimidating for me because of my now-slow metabolism and other physical stuff. Also, I’m seeing my parents age very quickly. My dad recently told me that my mom, 69, has lost her filter…that thing that tells you when to shut up about talking about other people’s business. He just warned me that sharing with mom might make it public info these days. My parents are trained counselors and they’ve always respected it when I have told them something in confidence. This is going to take some getting used to!
Steve’s grandma lived in a retirement community that was awesome. It was almost like a resort with walking trails, pools, gardens, etc. It had duplex homes at the property perimeter, and then apartments and nursing facilities. You can move there and slowly become more dependent on the staff. They have compter centers, social events, a Catholic Church attached, etc. I’d love to live in a community like that some day. My parents are looking into something similar and will move next year or so. That is a huge relief for me because they live in a huge house in Loudoun Co. with too much land around them and not enough neighbors to check in on them. They’re not online and they don’t take care of their phones, so sometimes I can’t even get a hold of them by phone. That freaks me out since they’re out in the country.
I remember when I was a Girl Scout that we’d go sing to the people in the local nursing home. I hated going. It smelled and it was depressing. I wasn’t used to being around old people because my grandparents lived so far away. But that’s a totally different type of facility than the place my parents want to move to or the place where Steve’s grandma lived.