March 11, 2011
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Questions of Tradition
I was raised Catholic. I would call myself more of a spiritual now. As some of you may know, Lent has just begun. The Architect and I were having one of our talks as we do right before we go to sleep (we’re apparently at our most prolific when we are supposed to be going to sleep). Anyhow, I mentioned something about giving up cursing for Lent. I don’t often curse in my writing or in formal situations (like work, etc.) but if I’m comfortable around you, I curse a bit too much. The Architect asked me if I was giving something up for the right reasons or out of pure guilt (something I have in spades for sure). The fact is that I really don’t know anymore.
It feels good to be able to give up something as a sacrifice but in the scheme of things, what does you or I giving up cursing, chocolate, Facebook, [insert other common thing to give up for Lent] do for humanity? Nada much. I understand that Lent is supposed to be a period of sacrifice to emulate Jesus but it seems like just self-sacrifice isn’t particularly helpful.
I’ve always liked the idea of doing something for others for Lent, although I haven’t been able to come up with any great ideas for that this year. I like the idea of service for others even if that really doesn’t fall under the sacrifice category.
There is also the fact of guilt. I know that the next time that I talk to my mother and she asks me about what I gave up for Lent, I’m going to feel guilty if I don’t have something. Not having something hasn’t flown all that well in previous years and my family is definitely not super religious. Even discussions of me potentially seeking out a new religion haven’t gone so well. And so I haven’t pursued anything and that kind of makes me feel weak.
Religion is just sticky. Do I do this out of tradition or something more real and tangible? Is it wrong to do something simply out of tradition? I don’t know; that’s something I haven’t really come to terms with yet.
[Note: I have lots of pictures from NYC and lots of stories to tell. Unfortunately, this week has been a little more than crazy but maybe this weekend. Woot!]
Comments (14)
Heh… I wasn’t raised Catholic, but guilt is a huge part of my “religious” structure, and I am trying to eradicate that. I normally don’t fast for lent, but this year I did think on it… and then my companion thought was, “But you *should* give up something for lent…” (i.e. my guilt feelings came into play.) I wish I had an answer for ya, because guilt and my view of God have always been intertwined… and I want to get *rid* of that because I don’t think it’s healthy. I feel your pain.
I’ve been struggling with things for tradition’s sake too. While I’ve never participated in Lent I have a number of friends who do (or at least give a token to it). One that I thought was really interesting this year focused not only on what was being “given up” but what was being “added in”. So like instead of doing hobby X (I forget what it was) for 3 hours on the weekend, he was going to volunteer at the soup kitchen for 3 hours. Instead of buying the brand name stuff he’s getting the generic and at the end of Lent will donate the difference to a charity.
Service for others definitely can be a sacrifice- time sometimes is the most valuable thing we have.
I gave up on giving anything up years ago with no guilt. But I’m old and don’t worry so much anymore.
Catholic guilt is a delicious thing. I’m an ex-Catholic, and my boyfriend is Muslim and carries the guilt as the oldest son who doesn’t do enough for his mother. I still practice giving something(s) up for Lent, although I don’t do it out of guilt. It’s about self-improvement. Better yet, it means that every time I crave something that I’ve given up, I think about how lucky I am to have my life, about the sacrifice and love of other people, and about the teachings of Jesus. I don’t quite understand the necessity of his sacrifice most of the time (hence why I’m no longer a Christian), but it’s a beautiful story and he’s still an amazing teacher. Anyway, I’ve given up ice cream [pretty difficult], soda [somewhat difficult], and the delicious cookies in the breakroom at work [this is just a good idea in general].
Also, I love how you and your hubby talk as you’re falling asleep. My ex and I did that a lot; some of our best conversations were then. My beloved and I now do that some, too. *swoon* Have a great weekend!
I blogged about this very thing today, from a different perspective.
I think if your heart isn’t in it then you shouldn’t do it. And I’m sure that can be applied for lent. I was going to stop drinking caffine again but I had a bad few days and didn’t even start. But I’m not catholic so as far as religiously I don’t feel a need to but I thought it would be a good thing anyway.
Religion can be such a personal/internal experience, but the common denominator is it’s usually fueled by belief and passion. So if it becomes more “tradition” than self-motivation, you need to find out what’s missing to rekindle the spark.
I like the idea of volunteering – the giving up of “time”, a commodity that is so precious to everyone.
And after the period of Lent is over, you will go back to using the curse words??
Whatever you do, you have to do because you feel it in your heart, and which will teach others, the kind of person you are and how your action affects the life of others. AND, it should’t be something you advertise about. Like I said, it should come from deep within your heart.
Oh, and I am not Catholic or Christian. I shouldn’t really be advising here.
Interesting points to ponder, Meg. Sometimes going through the motions can be useful, sort of a “fake it ’till you make it” approach. Eventually you’ll find your way to either a more intentioned practice or else arrive at the conclusion that it is no longer important for you to continue doing.
That said, it has always seemed to me like having to use guilt to motivate someone (whether in a religion, culture, or other institution) indicates some fundamental flaw in the institution.
That’s one reason the teachings of Buddhism and Taoism appeal to me. Instead of relying upon a combination of fealty to an authority figure and guilt, they encourage you to observe with your own senses and to accept or reject the teachings based on our own observations and experiences.
What wonderful thoughts! I am not catholic, I’m Christian. But one year I gave up chocolate for lent. I was a chocoholic extreme, but by the end of the 40 days, I didn’t even want it anymore. It was a good reminder that the things I feel are so necessary in life are really quite trivial. It was liberating.
Matthew 15 is a good story about the practice of religious traditions. I won’t interpret it for you, you can do that yourself and I bet you’ll find more meaning in your life, or at least what might relate to this post, than I could pick out for you.
I am EXTREMELY spiritual, but I don’t consider myself religious. Traditions hold no weight for me because I think Father looks at the heart rather than empty “going through the motions”. Though it’s true, sometimes if you act first, the heart will come later. But that’s not something to be generalized.
I think our behavior should come from an overflow of the heart. If your heart and mind are set on glorifying God, then you are free from the confines of what others will think of you. He will be using you all the time so “tradition” is no longer a big deal and guilt will only come when you start going back the direction from which you came. At least that’s my personal experience.
It’s one thing to have a savior, it’s another thing to let him be your Lord. Ask him for his advice on your questions concerning lent and guilt, see what he says. I say all this to say….you are totally on the right track. That you and your husband talk at night is awesome. And in some of your posts I can tell you both really love each other. Talk, think, pray, the rest just kind of comes on it’s own.
I believe in a God that is real, and active, a Lord I would dye for. A God who in some way may teach you something through what you decide with this lent thing. If there’s one thing we learn from scripture it’s that when someone seeks truth…God shows up.
@Passionflwr86 - Yeah, I don’t think it’s healthy either. I really should work on that guilt thing as well. It’s just hard when it’s almost been burned into you. Le sigh…
@Ro_ad808 - I really like the idea of service for others. I guess in a way, giving time is really a sacrifice.
@BoureeMusique - I like the self-improvement aspect. I gave up soda for one Lent in high school. It broke me of my soda habit. I probably only have soda every couple months now.
@blonde_apocalypse - I’ll stop by!
@NightlyDreams - Yeah, it’s mostly family pressure, I think.
@SoullFire - I don’t even know where to start with trying to find that spark again.
@ZSA_MD - I’m hopeful that I can totally break the cursing habit. It’s so ugly!!!
@christao408 - I do feel like I’m definitely in that “fake it til you make it” phase right now. I just don’t want to be here for forever. I want to find that fit.
@allmyquandaries - I gave up soda a few Lents ago and it totally broke me of my soda habit. I definitely like the self-improvement aspect of Lent. As I told ZSA_MD, I hope that I’m able to break the cursing habit.
I too believe that in the end, your heart is the thing that really matters to God. In the Catholic religion, there is a ton of focus on traditions and I’m having a hard time breaking away from that and staying true to what my real beliefs are.
I am not a religious person at all but I do tend to stick with traditions. Sometimes I do not believe in going through the motions without having any real conviction but I still do it because it matters to the people I love.
Although I’m not Catholic, I’m using Lent as an opportunity to kick my soda habit (again…).