August 26, 2010
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What is it About 20-Somethings?
A few of my friends on Facebook posted an article from the NYT about 20-Something Year Olds and how they aren’t growing up as quickly as they used to in previous generations and basically making the case for how that’s okay.
Being an independent 20- Something myself (I’ll be 25 in October), I was a little taken aback by this article. The article had a few good points (one’s brain doesn’t fully develop until 25) but is it really too much to ask for people my age to actually start being responsible for themselves rather than relying on Mommy and Daddy to be fiscally and socially responsible for them? When is it time to cut the proverbial apron strings?
One of the arguments that some of the psychologists in the article make is that the 20s have become a time to explore and meander. I do believe that you do begin to figure out who you are in your 20s but that it doesn’t and shouldn’t excuse yourself from being responsible for yourself while you are figuring out who you are. The 20s shouldn’t be a sort of ‘rumspringa’ (a free for all festival of finding yourself, common in Amish culture, as pushed forward by some of the psychologists in the article).
I do believe that there is some cultural pressure to slow down this maturity process. When I moved out on my own after college, my parents let me know that they could give me financial support if I wanted. I never accepted it even when money was tight.
I’ve seen a lot of cases where people my age simply meander and let their parents foot the bill. I’ve seen some of my peers see them as simply having the right to lean on their parents heavily. I know mid 20-somethings that still allow their parents to foot the bill for things like credit cards and such. I didn’t want that nor did I think my parents should have to provide that support. I paid my own way through grad school while working full time and I was fine. I don’t feel like I missed out on that whole “finding yourself” thing and the very last thing I wanted to do was rely on my parents who had already done so much for me. If I had to, I guess I would have relied on them more but I would have exhausted all other avenues before I did that. Call it pride, if you want but I think it was simply being responsible.
My generation takes longer to find work and get married than previous generations. With my impending marriage, I’ve had some people ask me if I thought I was too young (average age for a woman to be married is now 26) but I think at this age, I’m ready to take on the responsibility. I did get relatively lucky with my career but I worked hard to get where I am today. I was also responsible enough to hold down an internship for my last two years in undergrad to get to where I am today. It just seemed like a logical step.
I guess reading the summations of the so-called experts in the article made me feel like I’m kind of weird. It scares me to think that I’m now one of the exceptions and makes me wonder what the implications for future generations are going to be if we’re taking so long to get to the point where we finally take on adult responsibility…
What do you think? Should the 20s really be one’s time to meander? When is it the right time to take on all of the adult responsibilities?
Comments (57)
I don’t even understand why someone would want to remain dependant on their parents. I HATE the fact that my mom has to give me money for college, for housing, etc. Not to mention that she holds it over my head a lot, especially when I’m home… “Do this, because I gave you money for college!” It even goes as far as, “Dump your boyfriend, because I’ve provided you with everything throughout your life.”
I really, really cannot wait to get a good enough diploma so I can have an actual job and provide for myself as well as pay her back. And I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to be able to support themselves.
My 20s were a total waste of a decade. I *wish* I’d been more independent.
I’m not going to dictate what people “should” do, but I will be happy that I am on my own. I’ve relied on my parents for a lot, and they gave me so much (like my entire undergraduate education on a silver platter). After that, though, they’ve left it up to me to make my own mistakes. There were no threats, no discussions, really, no begging – I wanted to do things on my own and I did. My sister and brother have their own takes on independence. My brother, for example, dropped out of college after his first quarter, spent the next semester wondering what to do, and hopped on the military train to his own life. My sister’s a bit closer to home and relies a lot on people to help with little things. It works for us.
@BoureeMusique - You’re the oldest sibling, right? I think maybe it has a little bit to do with birth order. I’m the oldest and I think I definitely approach responsibility a little different than either of my sisters.
Yes, ma’am. And I think you’re right. I was also one of the happiest to go to school far far away
. I get along with my parents incredibly well, but at that point, it was time for a change.
@BoureeMusique - Yeah, I think the oldest siblings are usually expected to be a little more independent, more mature and more role model like than the younger ones. I get along with my parents very well too but I just kind of have always had an independent streak.
When people are in their twenties most of their parents are in their late forties, or fifties. Financial experts say that the relatively new ”allowing you kids to hold onto their childhood into their twenties” phenomenon will come back to bite these parents in the ass as they try to retire and find out that they really needed the money they were gifting their (old enough to be doing it on their own) kids to plan for their own financial future.
The economy isn’t helping either with this. Gives more reason for 20-somethings to stay hooked to their parents while they try to make ends meet. You’re awesome for not needing to do that.
I don’t know if I’d say its a time to meander. I don’t think many people can afford to really just meander these days.
I do think the 20s are the best time to make mistakes and learn from them. By your 30′s you should have some solid life experience to draw from.
I’ve just read that article!
It was definitely interesting, but I think that although there may be some merit in it, I think it’s just another ready-made excuse to mollycoddle children/adolescents for much longer.
You can still be independent and live at home – paying rent (even at a less-then-market rate, you’re still making regular payments as if you were renting your own home) – but in today’s culture as I perceive it, our generation (I’ll be 25 in December) are a must-have-now generation without realizing that it takes hard work to be successful.
My Dad, who is 53, comes across this all the time with new graduate employees who expected to be given a lot of responsibility (and the financial rewards that come with it) over more senior, more experienced colleagues just because they have a degree or from a misplaced sense of self-worth and self-importance.
With people expected to be handed everything on a plate the concept of working hard for rewards passes them by and when they find that minimal effort won’t/can’t be rewarded “in the real world” they get easily discouraged and turn to home and the safety net, nay, blanket their parents provide. It’s sad.
I’m with Richard Lerner’s opinion: “emerging adulthood” is a mis-concept at best and personally I think it’s yet another excuse for 20-somethings to sponge of their parents for as long as possible.
Take some responsibility already!
This is a very culture-specific thing, though. Take Thai culture, as an example. Until very, very recently it was common for young people who were going to university to have never had a job before graduating – parents would pay for everything because school was your “job”. And once graduated and married, you and your spouse would move in with your parents (usually the husband’s parents) and live with them as you raised your children. If your father or father-in-law was still working, he would be paying for many of your major expenses, including a car (if necessary).
It is only in the last ten years that we’ve started to see the emergence of an American-style nuclear family with young people moving out on their own, often before marriage but certainly after.
My point is that the concept of what it means to take on adult responsibilities is relative to culture and also changes over time. I’m not sure that I could draw a line in the sand and say that at some arbitrary point in time, young people should be independent adults. In fact, I think American culture has suffered with young people leaving the nest so early. Multi-generational households are a good thing.
I am, I guess, an exception to this new “rule” or whatever. I am 27, married, with two kids, and living 1,400 miles away from everyone in my family. I have been our on my own (well, with my husband and such) since I was 21. I think people are capable of being a responsible 20-something if they so choose. I think it is a cop out to claim that they are finding themselves and go and do whatever they want while being able to call mommy and/or daddy to pay for everything.
I do not, however, think this is true of those that have their parents helping them through college or any other higher education. I just think it is true of those that choose to be irresponsible little hoobangies, for lack of a better word.
I think it’s also important to keep in mind that people live longer now than they did in the past. For example, people used to move out and get married at 15 –but they were most likely dead by 40. I don’t think it’s that strange for the traditional childhood/adolescent stage to be prolonged as life span (and working life span) becomes longer.
Also, the turn-18-and-you’re-independent thing seems to be more of a cultural thing. Extended families where adult children continue living in the same household as their parents are common in many cultures, so perhaps as the US population became more diverse, this also has become more common.
Ooooh boy. As if the 20-somethings needed more of an excuse to be immature and irresponsible; now they have a dang article by so-called “experts” to point to. That’s just ridiculous.
I have just recently entered the realm of “20-somethings,” and most of my friends are around this age as well. I’ve begun to feel like the odd one out within my social circle, because I’m one of the few people who don’t have this mentality you spoke of.
I was recently discussing with my friends my choice to move out after I graduate in the Spring. I’m going to move out of my parents house AND entirely out of the state. I’m feeling a sense of urgency within myself to get out from under my parent’s roof and away from my old home town, so I can be who I’m supposed to be. I know that moving out and away is the only way I’m going to grow up.
Every single one of my friends was SHOCKED and now they’re continually trying to dissuade me from doing this. They all say, “You’re so young!” I’ll be 21 when I move out, I don’t think that’s too young. Most of my friends have this fear of growing up, of being responsible, etc. They’re always talking about how they don’t want to finish school because that means they’re going to have to be part of “the real world.”
Honestly, I think it’s because most of my friends have had their education and their lifestyle handed to them on a silver platter. Mommy and daddy pay for it all. I have to work in order to put myself through school, I have to pay for my own expenses. While they’re busy screwing around, partying it up, and doing a little bit of school on the side, I’m already having a taste of the real world. And I like it.
I’m sick of immature 20-somethings.
We were married when we were 21. For us it was the best thing ever. Yes, I think kids in their 20′s need to take up more self-responsibility….and parents need to realize that enablement isn’t really very loving.
I scrolled down a bit – my first foray back into Xanga world this morning – loved the New Orleans shots.
You’re getting married soon!
People in their 20s definition of “on their own” is skewed in itself. I have lots of friend who cry about life being difficult and how they do everything for themselves while still having a fabulous education being paid for by their parents (not even student loans!), including half the rent for their apartment, blah blah blah. No, you people have absolutely no concept of real-life hardships (this is even more aggravating with teenagers right now).
Then there’s the parents themselves. I saw a quote yesterday that summed it up pretty well actually: “Those who criticize this generation forget who raised it.” Many our our parents are of the mindset that stretching out your youth until you’re 30 is the way to go, that you shouldn’t have a job, you need to stay in school as long as possible, you shouldn’t be having kids or getting married…No thank you.
Admittedly, I took the nasty hard road, full of brambles, wolves, and potholes. I dropped out of high school at 15 (and 3 different colleges), more or less moved out and started working, got married and pregnant at 19, and am now 20 and pregnant with my 2nd. Grade A delinquent, right? No. I’ve been developing my career since those early years in my teens, and am a successful (and fully independent!) photographer. While my friends are whining about wanting to change their majors their junior years because they don’t know what to do after school and not having enough beer money, I have to smirk a little. I worked my young little ass off to be able to travel and work my dream job by the time I was 18.
I really do think this general lack of independence starts earlier than your 20s, I think that teenagers, and even pre-teens and kids aren’t given enough credit, and are definitely encouraged to be immature. So much emphasis is placed on your 18th, 21st, and 25th birthdays–whether it’s legally or *scientifically*–that what is actually happening, or capable of happening, is overlooked. I know there’s much more growing and learning to be done on every front, but why not start as high up as you can?
Rant rant rant.
@SerenaDante - Yeah, I don’t understand it either. I get along with my parents very well but I didn’t like being dictated to when I was so dependent on them. Now that I’m independent, our relationship only got better.
@SoapAndShampoo - Luckily, it’s never too late!
@ItsWhatEyeKnow - The article did make the point that we can’t really tell yet what kind of impact this is going to have in the future when the parents of my generation start retiring. I do think that the actions happening now will affect us later on though in a negative manner. Thanks for the rec!
@Roadlesstaken - The economy definitely isn’t helping and I think in some cases, that’s the reason that people our age are still having to rely on their parents. The article states that this phenomenon has been going on since even before the economic downturn.
@vanedave - Yes, I definitely think you should be able to make mistakes but that you have to move in a cognizant direction towards bettering yourself and setting up your future while you make those mistakes.
Most 20-somethings can no longer make enough money to be independent. That doesn’t mean they should be out wandering and goofing off. They should be working, making what they can, and working toward the day they can afford to be independent. But it costs so fucking much to live these days, and so few people make enough, that we cannot expect them to be independent. But “responsible” and “independent” are two different things. We should expect the former, which leads eventually to the latter.
This post has generated wonderful comments and they’re still coming I’m sure. I hope to check back later to read the newest.
@cmdr_keen - That’s a good point about the “must-have-now” frame of mind. I think that one has to be willing to put in the hard work if they want to reep the benefits. I’ve heard a lot of my friends complain about how their talent isn’t recognized or how they’re too over qualified for a particular job that they didn’t get. Experience is imperative in so many fields and you have to start somewhere.
@christao408 - It is a very culturally specific thing. The article drew specifically on statistics from the U.S. To me, it just seems like sort of a case of social regression when parents and other adults don’t expect their 20-something brethren to be responsible for themselves and to begin making decisions on their own.
Also, I think that multi-generational households could be kind of cool. I would have loved to have my grandparents closer to me.
Thanks for the rec!
@OftMisunderstood - My mom had 3 kids by the time she was 27 and was also just about as far away from her family as you are from your family (small world, hehe). I think you’re definitely on point with saying that 20-somethings are able to be responsible for themselves at this age. If you’re able, why not do it?
Also, you get 100 awesome points for using the word hoobangies (that is a fantastic word)!
I grew up pretty fast, but I’ve also heard 22 is the new “18″.
My high school teacher made an excellent point when he said that it is a parent’s responsibility to raise and nuture their child, and pay for his or her education. Even though I have been responsible for financing my own education I agree with this (to an extent.. a parent being responsible for your first 2 – 4 years of college is reasonable I think). Now. Do I think Mommy and Daddy should foot the bill for housing, clothes, gas, food, cell phone bills etc. during this time? Not at all. Being 20-something IS the time to figure out who you are- no doubt- but it’s also the time to figure out your transition into, and life as, an adult on a hands-on basis. With the exception of tuition I believe that the cord needs to be cut at 18. It’s healthy.
So in short I agree with your outlook and also think it’s a little scary to consider what future generations may be like. I know I will raise my son to be responsible at a decent age.
Hard to answer to this questoin .This is variable according the circumstances , the surrounding and the mental development of the 20year old people .
In friendship
Michel
It’s not always easy to just “be independent”.
I did it, and now I can’t. Money is tight, jobs are hard to find, and it’s difficult to hang on to the job I already have. That is why it’s nice that I can get support from my family. I don’t leech off of them but they are there if I need help.
I am almost 40 now but I also got married at 25 and was always among the more responsible (fiscally and otherwise) of my friends at that point in life. I remember friends in college whose parents bought them all sorts of designer clothes and the friends acted like they were entitled to it. I have a friend of the family who is now a young 20-something and I am just fascinated by how she considers herself to be “independent” and constantly bemoans all of her life responsibility (publicly on Facebook, of course!), yet her parents are still giving her SO MUCH MONEY. As a parent, I just will not do this. My kids are young (6 and 8) but I see that this sense of entitlement starts at a young age when parents never say NO to their kids. Our kids hear no a lot and it makes them appreciate it when you do something above and beyond for them. Great post and interesting comments….
Eh, it totally depends on the situation. I’m 21 and I try my hardest to avoid having my parents help me financially. And if they have to, I always pay them back. By nature I am very independent but when it comes to money and jobs…it just isn’t as easy as I’d like it to be. Like you said, you got lucky with the career you got. You may have worked hard to get where you are but luck plays a huge part in getting a job, let alone a career anymore.
So I try to “find myself” while paying my own bills and taking my responsabilities. But I try to keep a balance. I’m not planning on getting married or having children anytime soon. So I am growing up as much as I can without driving myself crazy and trying to act like I’m 30. Cause I’m not that old yet and frankly I don’t want to be. I’ve made the mistake of trying to grow up too fast before and found myself completely miserable. The 20-something is the inbetween, the transition. And I’m keeping it that way.
This entry definitely resonates with me. As a recent university graduate, I notice many of my classmates experiencing this “free for all” type lifestyle – solely relying on their parents for financial support while they experience a time of “learning about yourself”… to each his own!
Similarly, I’ve felt that a time to learn more about yourself can definitely be balanced with career personally. Thanks for your post!
I guess it really depends on a person’s situation, but I think that making someone responsible earlier on makes them appreciate the value of things.
I’m having difficulties with this.I just turned 20 and I am freaking out that I’m still dependent. I really want to become independent and grow up, I just fail at juggling college and a job that pays enough for all the bills.
In fact, I have no idea how to pay for all my bills and go to college full time without going insane. Having a job while in college doesn’t help you stay in college, either. I’m burning out a lot quicker, and I switched my major from a 6-8 year (pharmacy) program to a 4 year accounting degree. I want to stop relying on mom and dad for everything as quick as I can.
So I ask, Where’s my money making job? How am I suppose to do decent in college and still afford all my bills? Because I am at a loss.
people can be responsible as early as, well, childhood, without feeling like their childhood, teens, and young adult phases were taken from them. requires teamwork. am i saying they should be held responsible that early? no, but they should be made aware of it and held to account to things to some degree (balanced with plenty of play) until they’re at that edge.
for me, Islamically, that turning point would be when they hit puberty. but even sans Islam i find myself in that same position. I’m 26 with a brother half my age. I have to find ways to get him to be proactive in his own life. I remember the times i was told high school years would go by, college would go by, etc. and that’s exactly how it felt. But for me it all happened so fast I never really knew how to give my future much thought. some people are like this. Some have a gift for painting the future, others, like myself, are abysmal in that department. High school is that time where one can begin, if they haven’t already, to get a feel for their gifts, their interests, their intrigues. with a bit of guidance, a lot of proactive effort, when college time rolls around they can check career/major choice boxes with conviction instead of giant question marks.
the way society is set up these days doesn’t help either. internships are hardly mentor/apprenticeships. you don’t look up to someone and learn by example, too many are really on their own. we don’t have the years to spend to figure out, “Oh. I totally do not want to be doing this.” or “Oh. I would be better off in this kind of role *insert role that company can’t afford to create nor can college student*” It makes no sense that the cost of education for private colleges are obscene, yet when they walk out they have to have that degree and several years worth of experience. Where is the latter supposed to come from?
I went to a tough high school so I took it easy there. I went to a tough college so I took it easy there, too. But the one thing I did right was volunteer and work like crazy. I am still not sure what I want to do, but all those experiences provide valuable insight on what I can do, can excel in, etc. My current skillset is great, but it will keep leading to unemployment. There is a wall. What I can do is use it to fund a career change…..which is too big of an overhead just to test the waters. There’s got to be some other way.
Should we meander in our 20s? If we didn’t do so in our teens some of us don’t have much of a choice. It’s my first time being unemployed in a decade (i started off with a skill-based job, which is incredibly fortunate if i think about it o_o) and my pay was pretty good when I was let go all of the sudden. but this is at a time when my health is at its lowest and my family needs me the most. it’s not like i partied around, i dislike that stuff. still, i wish there was a way i could have spent my time better investing it more in a long-term future. that is something I can start looking for now while I’m still in my 20s before my brother becomes my ghost.
great post. i’ve heard this sort of thing before, how people in their 20s get work, think it’s a temp job, their dream job will come, or worse yet don’t get work and are living at odds with a degree in their hand and a dream nowhere insight (some sort of arrogance or misconception). but this post got me to start thinking about this stuff again seriously.
i don’t see why meandering has to be associated with being irresponsible. just because you haven’t settled with a job, spouse, and kids doesn’t mean you are not responsible. i do not understand where this comes from. something to think about.
The article downplays the economy being a factor, yet that’s probably the number one reason why 20-somethings aren’t “growing up”. There aren’t too many jobs out there, and most of them are temp or part time jobs. It’s hard to move out when you know your job is only going to last two months or that you’re working minimum wage while having to pay back college loans. Most 20-somethings aren’t lazy or just trying to find themselves. They’re trying to find jobs that just aren’t there.
You dear Meg, are an exception to hold and keep as a role model. I am so proud of your achievements at such a young age. More power to you.
Regarding the becoming independent and meandering is I think more of a cultural thing. In the western civilization, it is cosidered horrible and frowned upon to see grown kids to continue to stay in their parents’ home, graduate college, work, get married and continue to stay at home as an extended family.
I think only in the recent years, some, very few actually, have become more independent and are finding their own homes and stations in life.
But YOU, take the cake. Love you.
Man, I can only dream about what it would feel like to have your parents still supporting you in your 2o’s.
I’m 21 and if feels like every dime I make goes into supporting my parents! NOT the other way around… it freaking sucks when people are like “oh, you still live at home” and assume that I am not financially responsible when in reality, I pay the rent, all of the insurance and more than half of the bills while they go off to get the education (no I’m not kidding. My parents are in college while I work and work and work and let my unfinished degree I started when I was 17 years old sit on a dusty shelf). I have $4,000 of their debt over my head, I barely have a social life, I feel like I’m the mom of my brother and yet they still talk down to me like I’m a child.
I’ve tried to talk them into their own financial independence and make them understand that I’m not going to help them forever, but that just turns into some of the most heartbreaking conversations possibly imaginable.
I’ve done this out of love and family honor for years now and this last month just made me snap. I don’t care anymore. My new plan is to save in my second savings account until I have enough to move on and then one day just leave. I’ve downgraded everything to the minimum and have even begun making some extra income on the side so my day of independence is quickly approaching (I can’t wait! The only set-back was being laid off of my full-time job last week, but I’m going to get another soon, I’m sure).
I care about them, and don’t want to see them fall but it is clear the love I have had for them isn’t mutual. I know they will survive when I go. With my mom’s new degree, she’ll get a good job if she just applies herself.
Sorry, I know this didn’t have much to do with the topic at hand and I totally just complained the entire comment, but I’m sure there are others like me. Stuck bringing home the bacon for their parents and families instead of starting their own lives… anyone else been in this boat before?
I think this is a great post! I have been on both sides of this debate. I thought that I had no choice but to become independent a few years ago. It was my responsibility, my life, and I did it. I worked two jobs 7 days a week just so I could have an apartment to sleep at. Then things happened. I am now back under my parents roof, though I do still have a job. I am tired of working my butt of and not being able to make it. I would say the economy has really effected this 20 something’s independence.
I think that if you have parents who want to support you until you “find” yourself, then that is their perogative. Our generation is going to live so much longer anyway, why not take a little extra time to figure things out? I don’t think there should be a set time for anything.
Hm, a lot of these comments are rather condescending with an air of bitterness. Perhaps you should stop judging people for the way they live their lives and be more concerned with your own.
My parents pay for my education, as well as my apartment because there’s no way in hell I could pay for it myself unless I plan on developing unhealthy sleeping habits. The job market is very slim and I have friends attending graduate school just because they couldn’t find jobs. And these are smart people attending some of the top universities in the country. More and more jobs are demanding a Master’s Degree since “everyone has a Bachelor’s now.”
So, get off your high horse. While I do know people that party, it is after a week of working their asses off and pulling all nighters to study, write papers, etc. And this is not something exclusive to those in their 20′s – give me abreak. People well within their 30′s go out to blow off steam after a hard week and there is nothing wrong with that.
As a parent, I think I have the responsibilty to see my kids through college and get them there so that they are able to make a living so I would say maybe up to 22 years old? After that, whether they want to work or pursue more studies, they are own their own. I have noticed young people buying branded designer goods on credit. I would not splurge on something designer if I have to borrow for it. But youngsters these days, they spend first, think later. I think your parents have brought you up well, Meg!
Maybe we can move out and act like adults if there were jobs available. But there isn’t any due to the horrible economic policies of our parent’s generation.
I disagree and I think kids are growing up way to fast with the pressures of todays world and the economy. When I was a kid we coul dbe kids longer as the world was a safer place.
@milfncookies - You’re younger than me?!
For some reason, I thought you were around 24! WEIRD.
@airbornerose - I’m a baby!
@just_the_average_jane - I do think that it has definitely become more common for multi-generational households to exist in the United States and I definitely don’t think it’s a bad thing. My real issue with the insinuations of the experts in the article is that 20 somethings should not be held responsible for their actions nor should they feel bad about the sense of entitlement that many of my peers feel and how the experts seemingly exonerated them from becoming adults.
@Masked_Melody - I lived with a girl my last year of college that was so freaked out by graduating and moving onto the next phase in her life that she just stopped going to school her senior year while telling her parents (who were paying out of state tuition her entire year btw) that she was still on track to graduate. I felt so bad for her parents…
@i_was_there_and_back_again - I think the enablement is what hurts kids in the long run as well. I think it’s nice when people have their parents to fall back on when things get bad (I know that I’m incredibly lucky to have parents around that can help me out if ever I do get into trouble). Even though I do have that, I know that my parents would probably not be too happy about it unless I was already taking proactive steps to “fix” what was wrong.
Yes, we have three weeks until the wedding pretty much. It’s hard to believe!
@milfncookies - Please, please, please don’t take this the wrong way (it’s a compliment, I promise) but I thought that you were around 25 as well just due to all of the success that you’ve had so far in your photography career. You’re amazing!
@Airborne_Muse - I totally understand the cost of living and the economy has not made it any better (I live in DC, definitely one of the more expensive areas of the country). I say that as long as you’re trying to do something with yourself and you aren’t being lazy about moving forward towards some greater goal, you’re fine. I have a lot of friends that are out of work right now but at least most of them are trying to find something to do to get by. Others of them just really aren’t making the effort, which sucks to watch.
@Uek - And 40 is the new 30, right?
@PeaceLoveMaternity - While I wouldn’t go so far to say that a parent has a responsibility to pay for college (some just can’t afford it), I do think that if parents can pay for college, it’s probably a good idea. Although I paid for graduate school (my parents saw that as extra eduacation and not necessary), they did pay for college, which was nice. Like you said, the 20s should be a transition period but you can be responsible while transitioning.
@fauquet - It is very difficult.
@SeeBeeWrite - Yes, the economy is definitely making it difficult for everyone. To me, there is a big difference between simply waiting around for things to get better or to keep trying and hope that something comes up. I have more of an issue with people not being proactive when things go wrong.
@turningreen - That sense of entitlement really bugs the heck out of me too. I do think that parents need to learn to say no. My parents were definitely not afraid of saying no to my sisters or I and I think we turned out well for it.
@milfncookies - apparently I’m not the only shocked one! I still don’t feel older than you.
@lilblucherrygrl - And finding yourself while being responsible is the way it should be. In some cases where you have external factors like the economy baring down on you, it may not always be possible to be “independent” in the truest sense of the word but as long as one is trying and not simply waiting for better things to be handed to them on a silver platter, it’s all good.
@passioniskey - I think it’s possible to have balance between figuring out who you are (something that needs to happen during your 20s) and being responsible and moving forward. Thanks for stopping by!
@Redshirte - I fully agree. I think that when you don’t have to work for things, one has a tendency to take them for granted sometimes.
@Justme_234 - I think there’s a big difference between simply being content with not be independent or working your way towards being independent. It’s not going to come overnight and the economy certainly has not helped things at all. Keep working and I think you’ll be just fine
@versatil - As I’ve commented to a few people above, I think that as long as you are trying and not simply relying on other people to pick up the slack because you just don’t want put in the work then you are going to be okay. The economy has messed things up in so many different regards. People are having less luck finding jobs and even if they do get a job, they may not be able to get into their chosen career.
@Rob_of_the_Sky - Yeah, the economy has definitely not made it any easier. As I’ve commented to a few other people, as long as you are trying to move forward, that’s a good thing. There are a lot of external factors right now that have hurt the job market greatly and are making things difficult.
@ZSA_MD - Yes, it’s definitely a Western culture thing but the article only covered 20 somethings in the U.S.
@Glitter_on_Superhero_Smiles - I’m sure there’s other people in your boat. It’s hard to be the “breadwinner” in any family and it’s even more difficult when there are people who could help out and take some of the burden off of you if they wanted to be financially independent. Hang in there!
@leahKtutu - Yeah, the economy has definitely not helped and things do happen where people just aren’t able to be independent anymore. Unfortunately that’s seemingly how life seems to work sometimes. I think the difference is that you were trying to be independent, there’s many who just don’t even try, which is really what I take issue with.
@T0m03 - It is definitely their prerogative, I just think that it may hurt the children down the road. I just know that I would have never had that option.
@selfsaboteurr - I don’t think that I ever said that people couldn’t have fun nor did I mean to insinuate it. People should have fun when they’re in their 20s, 30s, 40s and so on and so forth. However, there is a huge difference between having fun while doing what you need to do to move forward with your life (whether that be working on a degree, working a job, or trying to find a job) and letting go of all responsibility. There is absolutely nothing wrong with just being in school (even if you are back in school due to not being able to find a job; a lot of people are having to do that right now due to the economy). I’m sorry that you believe that I rode my high horse to town.
@icepearlz - That was sort of my parents’ deal. They’d cover undergrad because they believe it was a necessity for the field that I wanted to go into. Grad school was on my own though because it was not seen as necessary nor did I want them to pay for it.
@STUDNET - The economy came up in a couple people’s comments. The economy sucks right now and jobs are few and far between. Sometimes it’s not going to be possible to find a job but as long as you are at least trying and not simply waiting around for someone to had out a job on a silver platter, I think it’s all good.
@grannyinboxers - Yeah, I think that’s a little bit of a separate issue. As far as seeing things that kids shouldn’t see, I think kids are growing up too fast. That childhood innocence seems to go away a little too fast now…
@TheCheshireGrins - Is it?
@Uek - To me, 30 is 30 and 40 is 40.
@TheCheshireGrins - agreed, but the psycho babblers make excuses for excess to worried parents.
I see myself as one of the exceptions too. I am still in college now, but I have goals to work towards; I try my best to grab opportunities for a bright future.
Some of my college mates are still homesick after two years here. And I will never understand why.
@TheCheshireGrins - Ah, sorry, that’s not what I meant. I just meant that there are plenty of people who are not goofing off in the manner you spoke of. It seems to me you believe the majority of us youngins are doing just that. I was merely pointing out that that is a gross generalization.
@TheCheshireGrins - I disagree. I think it’s a matter of what the children have been taught by their parents. Just because they are supported by their parents for a longer period of time, into a time when Americans deem as “adulthood,” doesn’t mean they are going to be financially irresponsible, etc.
In some cultures, adulthood in women starts when you have your first period. In those cultures, that means you can get married. Imagine being 10 years old and having to do that. Perfectly normal in their culture. However, mix the two and you have kids trying to pay their own rent. Now that doesn’t work out so well, does it?
In addition to that, in some cultures, children never move out of their parent’s home. Sons who marry move their wives into the husband’s household. That way, they can take care of their elderly parents instead of shipping them out to a nursing home.
Having your families support for a longer period of time has its benefits. College grads can pay off their school loans a lot faster, and then have enough to buy their own house. It’s a lot better investment than renting. I can’t imagine why that would be deemed irresponsible. I’d say, it’s a good look at the long term.
I think that those who mentioned this trend to be culture specific have a point. For a slightly different perspective, I am in a situation where I would like very much to be completely on my own and have the funds to support myself very meagerly, however, my parents (eastern european immigrants in the US) are (from what I can tell) attempting to mix what two cultures say about children in their 20s. They seem to think that I should live with them until I am married or possibly “extremely successful” (regardless actually of my job or financial status.) Basically, they want to provide for me (and for me to assist them) the extremes of the American dream (new car, nice suburban house, stable job, ect…) The reality of the situation is that many, if not most, struggle in their 20s for a bit (as my parents themselves most certainly did) and I think that that struggle is beneficial and understandable. I never want to hurt my parents or make them feel as if I don’t want a relationship with them at all, but I do need independence and I am asking to be able to get by on little and basically pave my own life while remaining somewhat close to them.
Unfortunately, I have to practically “permanently sneak out” instead of letting my parents into this new part of my life because they are slightly out of touch and we lack a real adult relationship.
Sorry to go on about my own issue, but it is a different aspect to put into this situation.
You’re ready.
I’m with you…I wanted to do it on my own. I think I’m the only one of my siblings who hasn’t had my parents help…no, wait, there was a semester in grad school where my parents bought my groceries because I was student teaching and not getting paid. I got a loan for rent and car payments.
I think people should meander IF that’s their life path…but I don’t think their parents should pay for it. My brother in law moved back home after only a year on his own. He just moved out again at 35 and my mother in law was SO SAD about it. Everyone let her be sad, but I had a talk with her about how it was time. He’s an attorney for crying out loud! He is working long distance at his job and doing his meandering…trying to become a certified pilot. I’m proud of him. But he DID try to get his parents to pay for his pilot training. I wanted to go off when they considered it. But give me a break, he was living rent free and working as an atty…I was sure he could come up with the money. I”m glad they had their first moment of tough love and said no…and now he’s doing it on his own and still keeping his job.
I think people should explore, but not at someone else’s expense.
I’m 25 and in my case I support myself and (and a fraction of) my parents’ life financially. They supported me financially up to this point (except I am paying my interest-free university loan, which is the norm in Australia) and they don’t have any retirement money, so I, along with my siblings, are their retirement fund.
I would love for my parents to be financially independent, but that is not the case; I would love to move out of home and use my money only for myself, but that is not the case.
This is why I am still at home at 25 years of age. I am not making enough money at the moment to pay for myself and to also support my parents financially.
However, I do like what you said about people not working hard enough in their careers – I am in that dilemma at the moment where I don’t think my career is for me (which might be a lazy attitude to work).
I guess it depends on ones expecations in life. You you want to do what your parents say then by all means stay with them. But if you want to live your own life then be responsibile for yourself. In my mind your 20s are not another decade to part and generally reveal in debauchery (which I never saw the appeal in anyway).
I think this is a developing problem in our country. Nobody wants to be responsbile for themselves. Everybody is looking for a handout or a quick buck. Nobody seems to beleive in hard work anymore. I am not rich by any means but everything I have I got myself. I take pride in that.