May 21, 2010
-
I Have Sex to Feel Wanted
Yesterday, there was a story of one of our (relatively) local high schools where yearbooks were being recalled because the yearbook included anonymous comments from students that included some controversial information. Some of the anonymous quotes from students within the school included things like “I have sex to feel wanted” and “I had an abortion and my mom doesn’t know.” The comments are very Post Secret like (which may have been the yearbook staff’s intention but I do not know that for sure).
I am not a parent but I totally understand why parents would initially be very put off about some of these comments. I can understand being upset that the faculty advisors for the yearbook staff would let the yearbook go to print but since the book is already printed, I would look at it as a point of conversation with my teenagers instead of something to simply try to push out of my (and my kids’) sight.
No one wants to think that their teenagers are engaging in things like sex just to boost self-esteem or having abortions. That’s incredibly hard to deal with. It would be hard to deal with if it were one of your kid’s friends let alone your own child. The school’s solution was to offer $10 WalMart gift certificates in order for students to give the yearbooks back and reissue new, cleaned up versions of the yearbook in June. Returns were trickling in but some decided to keep the yearbooks with the anonymous quotes.
If I were a parent, I think I would use it as one of those infamous “teachable moments” (and there were many) that my parents thrust upon my sisters and I. Drugs, sex, and perhaps rock and roll (if that subject appeared in the yearbook quotes) are all things that shouldn’t be swept under the rug when it comes to teenagers. I hope that when I eventually have kids and they grow into teenagers that I will have the strength to address some of these tougher subjects. Hopefully the parents who are returning the yearbooks aren’t just ignoring these issues because it is what makes them comfortable.
What would you do in this situation?
Comments (23)
Sadly, from the quotes mentioned, those parents probably aren’t ones that would see this as a ‘teachable moment.’
Interesting. While facially it might seem a bit too much for the yearbook, those are issues that high schoolers are dealing with. Like you, I think it would be a good talking point to have with kids. Certainly breaks the ice on the topic!
Honestly? Knee-jerk reaction would probably be to turn it in and get the nice one instead. Knee-jerk reaction would probably be that these kids were just putting down stuff to get attention, not really confessing anything.
But once I got over the knee-jerk reaction, I would definitely use it as an opportunity to talk with my kids. I would talk to them about how these issues are serious and how I’m there for them. I would tell them that nothing they could ever do or say would make me love them any less (or any more)–that I love them no matter what. I would talk with them about helping their friends by going to a trusted adult if they know their friends are dealing with issues like abortion. I would talk with them about how their family is the biggest support they have and we need to extend that support to their friends when possible.
And somewhere in between all that (lol) I would do a heck of a lot of LISTENING.
~V
Like you said, it’s perfect to use as a teachable moment, but I don’t see anything rong initially – That is, if you are right when saying that it may have been a post-secret typ ething. I remember highschool and it wasn’t to long ago and things lik ethat did in fact happen at my highschool. I think it’s a good opportunity for teenagers to be able to get something off their chest that they haven’t had the chance to do, it’s not easy speaking up about some of those rough topics. What if they just needed to tell somebody – and by it being placed in a yearbook where thousands of students read it – maybe that was their closure. Knowing that someone listened.
One thing that has to be taken into account is how many of these are said to get a rise out of the said parents…teenagers have a way of wanting to excite…
Though I don’t think it should be ignored as you stated
If those “quotes” are anynymous what can the parents do ? They can only convince their ten’s to have a good behavior at the opposite of those quotes .
This being said , I had the opportunity( pure hasard ) to have a peek on what may write some children aged of only 11 on facebook . I see that another world was in birth very different of the previous generation.
Love
Michel
I agree that it should be something that you use to have a talk with your kids. It’s an excellent opportunity. You can’t shield your children from the world… and sadly these things are happening in our highschools, hell, even in our middle schools. TALK ABOUT IT.
This is a tough one. I like the ‘teachable moment’ idea. How are you liking Outlander so far? I’m still reading a little bit almost every night and haven’t wanted to put it down for good yet, so I guess that’s a good thing
If I were one of the parents of the kids who wrote about having sex or an abortion, I would absolutely start making a change and realize that I have no communication with my kid at all. I would hope that it is not to late for that change at all.
there a millions of controversial books, tv shows, songs, movies, posters… well, i think you get the point. with all that crap already all over the world’s media, it’s impossible to censor your child from it all – especially your teenager. if there’s something in particular your child comes across that you don’t like – i agree with you 100% – use it as a teachable moment.
You’re going to make a great parent Meg. It is exactly a teachable moment. The books are printed, too late to fly into a fuss. But why not use the book as an opportunity to communicate with your child about important issues?
If I had a teenager and there were anonymous quotes in their yearbook, quotes like that, the yearbook would not be a problem. A problem would be if I had raised my child in such a way that they felt they had to confess such things to a yearbook because they couldn’t come to me.
I came from a background and culture where sex was never discussed in public. NEVER! I tried my best to educate my two children and I am proud to say that they were exemplary in their morals and character. When they graduated I saw their year books.
I was shocked.
Some girls in my son’s class had written explicit things in his year book, that still brings to my skin goose bumps. Similar remarks on my daugter’s year book were seen. I did sit and talk to them about these comments and asked them what they thought and felt. My son’s answer was, ” mom, those girls are just ‘ho’s’. They only want attention.” And my daughter expressed similar thoughts, and they both erased those comments with ‘white-out’.
I think pornographic comments and other comments that you have talked about, should never come to pass. If your children have the decency and hold the values of your upbringing in the forefront, I think they will be able to face these challenges by talking to you, the mother, and following the advise.
Sorry I said so much. Like Chris said, you will never have to worry about your children Meg, you will be an exemplary parent.
just what you said, really. it would be good to use it as a talking point with my daughter.
I’m sure the one who wrote that secret confession meant it as, “I know it’s messed-up. I don’t want to be like this.” but, in a way, suppressing this is also part of the problem … parents not talking to their kids about this stuff. not wanting to really know and accept them as they really are, and help them.
j.
Some people see the warning signs in time. Other times are false alarms.
More troubling is the parents who have kids that go to school dressed nice, but quickly change clothes when out of sight of the parents. If the kids switch without their parents approval, how much further do they do things without their parent’s approval?
Unfortunately these are the same issues that my high school classmates struggled with..23 years ago. Nothing has changed, kids are still kids making grown-up choices for all the wrong reasons. Hopefully, my boys will feel like they can talk to me and I can help guide them and hopefully they’ll make better choices than I did. Probably not, but it’s my hope. I hope these parents will read the quotes and talk to their kids. What a great teaching experience this could be..
It’s definitely a teaching moment and a wake up call for parents and parents to be great post.
Dear Meg,
Since the comments were anonymous, this seems like a bit of a tempest in a teapot to me. Sometimes I think political correctness is out of bounds sometimes.
I thought immediately of “postsecret” and I’m sure that was the intent.
I’m with you. “Teachable moment”. And if I went to the school, I certainly wouldn’t want to give up my yearbook. I treasure the dozens of signatures and well wishes in my yearbook as much as I treasure comments on Xanga. How could a parent tell a student to return a Yearbook which might already have been signed?
(I’ll admit. I can’t make the time to follow the link and read the article.)
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
@travelerblue - Very true…
@Roadlesstaken - Exactly. Most kids are dealing with this kind of stuff. Parents need to realize that it’s an issue that needs to be discussed.
@TheMarriedFreshman - Yeah, I think the listening is probably the biggest part that parents need to do. It’s too easy to be nervous about these issues; it’s harder to actually discuss them.
@BreakingArizona - With everything that goes on in high school in general, I definitely think it’s difficult for some kids to find their voice. You’re right; simply getting the information off their chest could be helpful.
@HereLiesNelsontheGreat - Even if some students did want to get a rise out of the teachers or parents, I think there was probably some of the secrets that did actually have some truthfulness to them.
@fauquet - Yes, I’ve only been out of high school for about seven years and I see a big difference between how I was in high school and how kids presently are. Things change quickly.
@mynewlife1126 - @Dreams_of_a_Cowgirl - I truly believe that as much as a parent tries to shield their kids from things, they can’t shield them from everything. You might as well explain to your kids what is going on so that they are prepared when faced with a tough situation.
@BoureeMusique - The very beginning was a little slow but now I’m about 200 pages into it and I’m loving it!
@styx_site - I really hope that building that communication bond isn’t too far away.
@christao408 - @SoapAndShampoo - I think communication is key here. I was blessed with a set of parents that I felt comfortable enough to come to if I was having an issue. My parents always made sure that they were available for my sisters and I to come to if we needed to talk. I hope I can do that for my future children.
@ZSA_MD - I really hope that I will be a good parent!
@ofunlo - Teenagers go through all sorts of things where it would probably really help them to have a parent talk to them. It doesn’t do any good when a parent simply ignores what is going on!
@PPhilip - Good point!
@gradesmom - You’re a good mom. I’m sure that the boys will know that they can come and talk to you when they need to!
@bravegirl1986 - Hopefully the parents do wake up!
@baldmike2004 - PostSecret is actually local to the DC Metro area so I’m almost sure that this is what the yearbook was based off of!
@TheCheshireGrins - How many and how much is only a cynics question
You’re so right. This is better used as a teachable moment.
The damage is done. Once the stuff has been read, what’s the point in turning those back in. Now they’re a part of the yearbook owner’s history and high school memories.
The yearbook was a 100 percent inappropriate forum for the topics you mention. The yearbook advisor did not do his/her job right. Maybe, just maybe, the school paper was the place to do it. But most likely, a couselor’s office or youth group leader’s office is the place to bring this stuff up. Not a yearbook.