April 20, 2010
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Facebook Overshare
Yesterday morning, I rode with the Architect to work. We were listening to this morning talk show and they were discussing a NYT article about significant others fighting with each other over social networks like Facebook. On top of that, many of these little tiffs (or big fights) on Facebook have started becoming fodder for evidence in legal cases (i.e. divorce, etc.).
In fact, this has become such an issue in the legal world, there are some lawyers and attorneys that have begun to suggest that their clients take down their Facebook page when going through any sort of legal battle. Those dumb, little fights, sarcastic remarks and snide comments can become evidence in a court case. There was a paralegal that called into the radio show that said that one of her jobs is to look up clients on the internet just to see what information is out there about them that may be used against them. This includes looking at social network information as well! She also said that typically she is also asked to looked at the opposing party’s online information as well to gather evidence to be used against the opposing party in a court case.
The idea that you would fight over Facebook for the entire world to see just boggles my mind (although it is important to point out that many things people do boggles my mind). Now I do realize that it is pretty much impossible that a couple is never going to fight but not everyone needs the blow by blow details. It’s not fair to either side in the fight nor is it particularly conducive to solving the real issue at hand. Give someone a public forum to air their grievances and if they’re angry enough, the entire public will probably get an ear full.
Internet oversharing is a pet peeve of mine. It’s nice to be connected. Facebook has been a great way for me to keep in touch with friends and family spread all over geographically. I enjoy being on Facebook but I know that whatever I put on Facebook is going to be somewhere on a server out in the world for pretty much forever and therefore, I’m very particular about what I put online. Even if you shut down your Facebook site, the information that you put on the site is still retained by Facebook (for serious). I’m not sure that I would want anything unkind words that I said to someone else to be enshrined somewhere out on the interwebz for forever. I’ve seen quite a few things on Facebook where I can hardly believe that someone would post that where so many eyes can see it.
I think a lot of people don’t really think about what they’re sharing with other people and how easy it is for others to abuse the information given. This unfortunately extends much further than just having personal fights in a public forum. I know we all like to vent and I would argue that social networking has made it a lot easier for us to have an audience in which to vent but maybe we all need to reconsider what we are venting about and to whom. Divorce has to be difficult enough without everyone peeping in your virtual windows!
What do you think about Facebook arguments?
Comments (24)
Agreed. I can tell you firsthand that my legal aide suggested I take a screen shot of my ex’s Facebook saying that he was “in a relationship” … just in case.
Well, as I tell all of my friends who use Facebook, the internet has no privacy law, so what you say and post on the internet is fair game in legal cases. Becareful what you post.
Personally, I think it’s childish to argue over the internet. Man up and say it to my face, ya know?
I have a friend who used her husband’s facebook to spy on him to see if he was cheating. She also got into his site to see who he had blocked from his site. He blocked me actually because he didn’t want any of her friends seeing something a girl would write before he took it down and we report it to her.
I always keep in mind the idea that you never post anything bad that you wouldn’t want your mom or significant other to see.
My mom and her fiance had to take down their Facebook pages until his divorce is final. It’s a complicated situation but same deal basically. Lawyer didn’t want his soon-to-be ex-wife finding out that he was already in a relationship and planning to remarry (my mom).
(So this guy and my mom were engaged when they were like 19/20 and this other woman spread a rumor that my mom cheated on the fiance because she didn’t like my mom. Dude ended up marrying horrible wife and had kids with her. Twenty-some-odd years later he’s still miserable with the woman who screwed with he and my mom. They’re on the rocks, sleeping in separate houses. He reconnects with my mom, learns that she never ever cheated on him and that pushes him to finally get a divorce, which he’d already been on the verge of. My mom isn’t a home wrecker, really. The other woman kind of is though. Anyway, now that they’ve reconnected they’re getting married. Finally.)
I hate Facebook with a strong word capital “H.A.T.E.” hate Facebook. And Facebook hates me. I used to think it was a nice way to connect, reconnect or stay connected, but now I realize it’s just another way to be scrutinized at a distance and ostracized. But that’s just me. Obviously. Anyways. About your question. Fighting on Facebook is a very bad idea all the way around. I learned the hard way that one must be very, very careful what one writes down in anger – and I mean: writes down, as in on paper! Lordy it is stupid idea to post fighting words online.
I always knew that such things like social network would be taken into account if legal action was involved. But arguing with a husband/wife on a social network for all the world to see?!
I can’t get over the stupidity of it.
Some people just don’t know how to use the internet. Too bad many of those people are on Facebook.
I’m completely with you on this one. Why is it that people don’t realize that Facebook is just like standing in the town square with a camera broadcasting all over the world? I keep it simple on my Facebook page: some photos, links to blog entries, and general updates on what is going on with my life. Nothing really personal.
Real arguments shouldn’t be happening online in my opinion. Too much room for miscommunication.
wow! but i believe it. in college, we were encouraged to facebook stalk girls who were rushing our house. we wouldn’t take the ones who posted trashy, nude, or obviously wasted pictures of themselves. we wanted girls were portrayed themselves as rational, mature, caring type.
I think Facebook arguements are rediculous and that people who put stuff that cause this crap on dace book are stupid. I am no longer on facebook because I simply do not have time. I think it is a great place when used correctly. (I am so addicted to Xanga)
I think the whole thing is ridiculous. I don’t understand why people feel the need to attact someone over a social network. I mean, this is your life… and potentially your kids lives (if you have any) and you can’t even settle something or have a discussion in a productive way?
But it does make sense that they would tell you to take those things down… just so you don’t have anything to worry about. What a mess.
I’m going to hell for this (for the lack of PC-ness of the quote), but arguing on Facebook is like the old (but not that old) adage: “Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics: even if you win, you are still retarded.”
But seriously, the potential for an argument is one of the reasons I try to keep my FB page as innocuous as possible.
What I’ve heard about some of the stuff that gets put on FB has been enough to ensure that I never go there.
You are so right. I just go and say hi to friends on facebook.
A friend of mine, had a wonderful neighbour, in an exclusive part of the town. The builder of that home, obvioulsy had done some slip shod work and, any way, these neighbours sued the builder and left that area. SO my friend remarked on facebook, saying something like,” how sad that my good neighbour had to leave this area because of an incompetent bulider”. Well, the lawyer who represents the builder is a big time person on the face book, and he just roasted my friend in public and defended the builder. That was just too bad, because I know that lawyer as a friend, and so does this friend of mine!!
FIghting on FB and other internet places is as inappropriate as fighting in a public restaurant. And, you’re right, it’s worse in that it helps others gather data on you.
There are certain professions for which it is inappropriate to have a FB account. My huband is Spec Ops…it’s a bad idea for him. It might be bad for many/most military. I know that, when military members are sent to POW training, the POW camp looks them up on social networks and uses the information against them in the practice interrogations. My uncle is head of a research division at a major university and he says it’s entirely inappropriate for him to have a FB account.
People also need to think more when they put info on there. I know. I was a naiive college kid who got a stalker through internet posting and chat rooms. I was just too open about myself.
i think you have to be VERY careful about what you post about others on Facebook..dumb but true…
It’s a ploy by Tea Party Conservatives to promote censorship, dumb down America and render all social networking into Pat Robertson approved family value horseshit
People are becoming far to public for their own good.
For me, a couple’s fights should never be played out in public. I would vent about bad service I received or something general on FB but not personal arguments I had with my hubby or my sister. Some things are best kept private. Social networking has become a part of our lives but just like blogging, we need to know where to draw the line.
@RedheadAblaze - Yes, the internet makes it very easy for people to get information about one another!
@they_call_me_steffyjean - I think people are definitely comforted by the fact that they have a screen between themselves and whomever they are arguing with.
@iStephanieMarie - Yeah, my personal rule is that if you don’t want to see it on the 6 o’clock news, don’t post it
@FillTheSpace - Actually that’s a really cute story that your mom and her love were able to reconnect. That so doesn’t happen very often!
@dirtbubble - I think being able to have access to a fairly open forum while being angry is just dangerous. I think there is a much greater tendency to say things that you wouldn’t otherwise say.
@Girl_Without_Pity - Yeah, the legal part of it totally makes sense to me as well. One would think that would act as a deterrent for people fighting where everyone else can see it. As one person commented this blog on Facebook, “it’s the equivalent of people who fight on their front lawn.”
@Rob_of_the_Sky - Very good point!
@christao408 - Same here. Not everyone needs to know exactly what’s going on with me all the time!
@Roadlesstaken - Yeah, the miscommunication is a whole ‘nother creature!
@Dreams_of_a_Cowgirl - I think that college and high school kids can be especially careless about what they post online. Facebook came out my sophomore or junior year in college and I was always amazed at the racy pictures that some of my FB friends would put up!
@styx_site - Yes, FB is time consuming (I love playing FB games though).
@mynewlife1126 - I don’t get it. I don’t think you can have a particularly problem solving conversation online.
@Redshirte - People often seem to lose their manners when they have a screen protecting them.
@Chatamanda - It can be fun. It’s just one of those things that it comes down to how you choose to use it.
@ZSA_MD - Ugh, what a mess! I’m all for freedom of expression but I really think one has to be careful about what they express in a public forum like FB.
@BigToePeople - Yeah, there are definitely certain professions where it’s probably a good idea not to have a Facebook regardless of what information you put up there!
@portiajules - You would just think that people would think a little more before they posted something.
@SoullFire - So true.
@icepearlz - I’m friends with a lot of my family members on Facebook (parents included) and I’m wholly convinced that FB is not the place to air my dirty laundry.
One thing that has always made me laugh about people on the internet or even just the phone is how they will abandon all tact and assume their actions have no consequences if they aren’t face to face.