February 28, 2010
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To Be a Mom
The Architect has been off at the Idiots Camping Trip since yesterday morning so I’ve spent a lot of time relaxing and getting things done. Yesterday I went to the library to pick up some more books that I have on hold. Our library is always absolutely packed during the weekend, mostly with little kids running around and parents who don’t seem to care if their kids run around and scream.
It’s experiences like that that make me realize that I’m not quite ready to be a parent yet. I’ve had several friends have babies in the past year and it’s just reiterated that idea. I’m 24 so it’s pretty common for people to have kids around this age. All the sudden anything the friends talked about before has been replaced with talk of diapers and breast milk. Not things I really care about at this point and certainly not things I want to read about on Facebook.
I get that being a parent is a great experience and someday I hope to have that experience but I’m not ready yet. I agree that once you have children, they should be your priority. Family should always come first. I’m ready for that part but I just am not getting how once you have kids, that’s all you can talk about. Perhaps that’s part of the priority bit. I don’t get it. With the Facebook stuff, why do we have to know that you feel like a human pacifier? There are literally billions of people who have felt like a human pacifier. Why is yours a singular experience? I guess this goes with the excitement of being a new parent. Is the over-sharing a part of parenthood or is a product of all the social networking nonsense?
Going back to the library scenario, with the parents not monitoring their kiddos, it almost feels like that they feel because they have kids, they are somehow superior to those of us that don’t. This isn’t limited to the library but any other public space where parents let their kids run wild. I suppose that could be due to other reasons like the parents just not knowing what to do with their kids but I know that if I acted the way some of the kids now act, my parents would have taken a real issue with it. I dunno… this probably isn’t the best way to explain my issues but it’s what I’ve got.
I hope that eventually a switch flips and I stop being annoyed about all this stuff before I’m ready to have kids…
Comments (15)
I agree. So many people are having kids younger these days, and that’s fine for them I guess but I can’t imagine doing that myself. It’s too much responsibility for me when I’m that young and I wouldn’t want to hinder my kids childhood.
I’m 23… and am starting to get that gnawing feeling like, “You should be having kids.” But ya know…. I don’t particularly want them, right now. It’s more of a sense of obligation than a sense of wanting it… partly because, as you noted, the entire world changes and it’s … well, all there seems to be, in a person’s life. Not that family isn’t important, as you also said… but still. I’m right there with ya.
Lol I remember you telling us about that upcoming camping trip…hope they are having fun…yes I have found that libraries which are supposed to be quiet are not always so lol…well written hun !
From what I’ve heard and observed from friends and family members who have had children, once you have children your world is turned upside down and things that you would have never thought were important as well as things you never thought you’d dwell on, become the only things about which you can think and converse.
As for the “Kids Gone Wild” thing, I think a lot of that is due to working parents who feel like they need to be their children’s friends rather than parents, and thus don’t enforce any discipline. I’ve seen that among many of my friends and, if I dare admit it, sometimes my sister’s children, too.
I wonder what Kontzicles would say if you talk to her about kids.
“Is the over-sharing a part of parenthood or is a product of all the
social networking nonsense?”
lol, I can’t help but find that question a little ironic, since parents tend to worry about everyone else’s over-sharing.
I understand exactly what you’re talking about. Sometimes mothering looks like an experience that takes over someone’s mind, replacing all unique personality with the makings of a Mommy Borg.
I get you. I am a parent and even I get tired of people whose lives revolves around nothing but their kids. I try not to talk about my kids to friends who don’t have kids yet because I am pretty sure they aren’t all that interested. It’s all about balance, I guess.
It takes a village to raise a child. It takes a single wallmart shopper to raise a loud mouth brat.
I can’t wait to be a mom….I am tired of waiting to tell the truth…really tired….I can ‘t stand peole w ho don’t parent their children!!
Want to offer a different perspective as a mom and as someone who always wanted to be one since I was a kid. First of all I used to think things in my head about other people’s kids and their parenting too, how I would do things differently. Truth is you have no idea till you have kids, and even then it is an ever evolving process (or it should be in my opinion). I think it is healthy to know that you aren’t ready… I also think that being a parent IS one of the most important and amazing things to happen to a person. My older child is only 3 1/2 but giving birth two times and raising two babies has been completely life changing for me. It IS what I think about. As a stay at home mom it IS my life too. I can converse about other things, but nothing else is as important right now. Plus I see all other things through the lens of being a mom now, so everything relates to it in some way.
I understand where you are coming from and that many others may relate to where you are coming from. But it will be difficult for you to understand ANY parent’s perspective until you experience it yourself. Also, I don’t know about feeling like a human pacifier as a “singular experience” but what human experience to you think is? Is passion for politics a “singular” experience? Striving for peace? Climbing the cooperate ladder? None of these are unique to only one person, just like love, grief, joy, etc are not only for one person. If you don’t like someone’s facebook updates, or blog, or whatever, don’t read it! It is their personal expression of their life in that moment.
I love kids. But the other day I was at my bf’s place. One of his younger nephews cried out from the toilet (just been toilet trained) that he needs someone to wipe his bum. We (the adults) were eating dinner. I think mom got the prize.
But seriously, I think you have your priorities and judgment in order. It’s a huge responsibility. I know some folks who eased into this with pets first.
As for kids running wild. If I did that when I was a kid, I know my mom or dad will smack my bum.
@emiliahhhx7 - I do think that I want to have kids before I’m thirty. My mom had three kids by the time she was 27 and it just freaks me out a little!
@Passionflwr86 - I almost feel bad for not wanting kids right now. It’s very strange… the whole obligation of it.
@American_woman_USA - Thank you!
@christao408 - Yeah, I think the Kids Gone Wild is very prevalent in the area we live in where there is also a high instance of lots of workaholic parents (DC has a tendency to do that to people). I don’t want to be that workaholic parent stereotype. It scares me.
@Roadlesstaken - I’d be interested…
@TheModernBunny - I do kind of lean towards it being more of a product of social networking. One only needs to look to websites like Lamebook to see that there are a great many people out there that are into the whole oversharing thing parents or not.
@icepearlz - As with anything, I agree, balance is quite necessary.
@portiajules - Hah, at least it helps me figure out what I won’t do as a parent.
@CrunchyConMom - I see where you are coming from and I do think that there are a lot of experiences out there like parenthood that one cannot possibly understand fully unless they are going through it. Thanks for stopping by!
@ElusiveWords - Hah, I have cats, maybe that’s a good thing to start with
I felt the same way before I had children, and all of those children running loose in the resturants screaming and yelling drove me nuts. I raised mine noit to do those things, that there were appropriate places for them to run and yell, on the play ground and outside. I think living guides us as to how wer raise our children and what we teach them. Not all children are raised to be screaming little monsters, and I bet you will be a good Mom and raise yours different when the time comes.
The over sharing thing is pretty standard in our society. I know, ALL my friends (only a slight exaggeration) are mommies. I was SO bored by it before I was ready to be a parent. It takes a big person to realize she/he needs to have other interests and topics other than their children. You will find a few such friends. Hold on to them and remember how they do it so that you can do the same. I hope I will be lke them. Steve and I are planning on travelling with our kids, even as infants, so I hope I’ll manage to be semi-interesting. Then again, it will be fodder for my blog… be prepared to be bored, lol.